2003-6-26: Always

Ah, it's Thursday, the day before Friday, and all's quiet on the western front. Or maybe it's not. I'm too happy to care.

I'm listening to Jon Bon Jovi, my forever favorite man and band, while I work away the daylight hours dreaming of California.

I imagine it would be mightily disappointing if I don't make it to California but I believe I will. I have the will, I have the drive and I have the means. Or I will once the New Year arrives.

Anyway, I am in a rather sparkling mood today and I don't know why. Yesterday afternoon it began, the slow joy spreading throughout my body like warm syrup, leaving me smiling and joyous.

I believe that there may be a day in everyone's life when they realize they should be happy. Why not? I'm alive, aren't I? I have a very vivid imagination, I have spare time and I have money. Not a lot of money, mind you, but enough to get by.

If I truly believed that tomorrow, the sky would cloud over and the rains would fall, I would still feel this great release of depression and stress. Why? I still have no genuine idea.

Allow me to state, for the record and for myself, that this joy comes, in large part, from God. It is such a wonder to be able to speak to Him and know that He hears you. I talk to Him all the time and I am not crazy.

I just wanted to sit here a moment and spew all that I feel inside. The revelations I commented on yesterday, about my beauty and my talent, has led me to become more confident than I was yesterday. Maybe it's like a virus and will spread.

I wonder if anyone truly realizes what is going on inside of me. I believe that despite all the future holds or releases, I will be fine.

I will always be fine.