Ugh

I feel unwell today, like a twisted gut underneath my skin is screaming, "Stop it, you ingrate!" It is only natural that I would feel this way. I have been, um, unwise of late. I can fully understand the sins others can't put down, though I don't struggle with them as they do. Nope. Just this whole unhealthy lifestyle that makes me feel like I am dying.

I am spending an uncomfortable day at work before the computer because of all my bad choices. I just want to lay down and shut my eyes for a week, sleep off the poison and move forward with brimming new hope and renewed passion. Or, I would trade it all for one year of good choices.

Sometimes, I have a really hard time with my human frailty. I imagine how easy it is to change and then I choose not to change. And I think most times that that is what frustrates me. I lay broken at the bottom of a steep staircase and I know that it was my decision to leap but, wow, it still hurts and I still hate the dark letters hovering above me. Failure, they say, and are unrepentant in their cold accuracy.

So, I wax poetic as my stomach knots and unknots itself constantly. I guess we all see that I am a failure in this area. I just hate knowing it myself.