2005-3-23: What Can I Do? Change?

So, I've made a mistake...again..and I don't see why it should be me that suffers. I gave out a phone number that I shouldn't have but it all settles on the 'friend' who is not willing to forgive someone. Yet, here I sit, sad and wondering if our friendship is over.

But thinking back to my past, I see that I need to change. I have no right to be angry or unhappy or judgemental. Why do I feel that I am justified in my rage and no one else is?

So, what can I do? Change?

The answer is yes, I can change, and that is what I must do.

It's sad that I may lose my best friend because of my stupid past actions and emotions. It's unfortunate that I have to lose friends at all. Shouldn't they always be there for you? Shouldn't you be able to count on them through anything?

So, I'm happy...or trying to be...I have to keep fighting off Satan and his horrid emotions of depression and doubt. My faithful Father will be there with me, always, as He has been through all the others. He will hold me, love me and comfort me and I will never be alone.

Clinging to Him is the only way I can make it through, the only way I can overcome, and I am so glad that He is faithful to me. So glad that He loves me.

I decided to write this blog entry just to express my frustration but I am glad that I can always come back to Him and feel joy despite my circumstances.

I'm not asking for understanding or pity, I'm just showing myself, mainly, that God is all I need.

All I ever need and more...